May 5th, 2008

..ouch...

ok...
so finally..
the month of march and apRiL is thRu..
i could probably say that those months
was the most painful months i've had in my entire life

i've been huRt
physically..
emotionally..
mentally..
good thing about it is that
he never left me..
and im feeling that all the promises that he made will be kept..
i know now how much he'll never let me go..even if he has to..
and the word "take care of me" was actually sincere and true..
you know the feeling of being guilty of the things you've done?
and you have no face to show?
i've felt that..
but he never ever did let go of me
and that adds up..
the guilt is overflowing..

his hands clasp tighter into mine
even if i've tried to release from it
he wont allow me..
i've cried a river..
for doing silly things..
but i've never fooled him, ive never had someone..
but i've been hiding things
and im not good at it..
and eventually i told him about it..
and it hurts him..
but even so..he said he still wants me and wont let go of me...
and im thanking god for giving such a wonderful man...

now...
i could say that i've learned a lot
and i'll continue learning
to value him..
to value things..
to trust every single word from his mouth..
because its not just sweet...
its reaL..

Posted by AiA at 01:05 PM | kapow...

March 5th, 2008

you wanna know what happened then? he went home and gave me my bag then im still acting so mataray...eheheh i think he walked home again he doesnt have money..he didnt accept his 500 bucks that he asked me to keep...aun! 'guess he walked home..then my stupid cousin said im so absurd for acting like a kid... ako na nanampal ako pa galet? 'onga naman?! ahaha..wala lang...you know im really unpredictable...

now? were almost a year and a half... 17 months to be exact... i guess he knows im home when im here with a friend...

oh! i ruined my simcard so i have a new number... message me if you wanna know...

Posted by AiA at 11:00 AM | kapow...

February 4th, 2008

..*sigh...

today..
i dont ReaLly know what's my pRobLem..
i just wanted to Remain quiet..
coz even if i speak.. he won't undeRstand..
noR do i even undeRstand my own seLf?
i dont ReaLLy know..
i know im being so unfaiR foR Letting go just Like that..
but the onLy thing im suRe of..
is that i wanted to be myseLf again..
i wanted to go out with oLd fRiends
without him aLways fetching me...

today..
foR suRe he'LL go ang pLay fucking skateboaRd...
i dont want him to pLay...
just Like he doesnt want me to go out with fRiends..
just Like he doesnt want me to weaR my favoRite cLothes...

today..
he Left me on the jeepney whiLe aRguing..
he toLd me not to sLap him infRont of peopLe...
im just pLaying with him..
he took it seRiousLy..
'guess his tiRed of me acting Like this..
acting Like a kid...
weLL i feeL Like acting Like it..
i kept quiet..
he's asking whats wRong..
i yeLLed and said... "nothing!"

today..
i want to use my cellfone..
he has my bag..
yeah! that was his...
that bag was his xmas gift..
but i need to get aLL my things!
f*ckeR!

tonight..
i know he'LL come heRe at home..
just Like what he aLways does when we aRgue
i need to have my things..
and then..
foRget about him!

Posted by AiA at 12:31 PM | 1 whoosh...

January 22nd, 2008

Rayban RockstaR...?

Posted by AiA at 01:05 PM | kapow...

December 15th, 2007

 

i wanna go home...
he's waiting foR me downstaiRs
Like what he aLways do...
i dont wanna keep him anticipating this time..
i wanna give him a big hug and thRow myseLf to him..
Like what i've been doing befoRe..
i'm missing it...
i dont wanna keep myseLf distant..
not anymoRe...






















i wanna go home now..
he's waiting foR Like foReveR..
and i've neVeR feLt this guiLty...

Posted by AiA at 05:15 AM | kapow...

im thinking of leaving...
Leaving eveRyone behind
and that's ouR house..
we'Re actually Renovating it..
and it's not good to stay theRe..
pLus..
i dont Like the fact that
im working my ass off eveRy damn midnight
to have that money...
but it'LL just disappeaR just Like that...
ok na sana eh..
kaso...ang hiRap kapag yung pinagpaguRan mo mawawaLa Lang...
buti sana kung sa bahay napunta...
tangina!
ang sweRte ng kumuha ng peRa ko..
tsk!
naiinis ako sa mundo!
bket kc mai mga maguLang na makakaLimuten
tapos..iiyakan ka Lang...tsk...











mai magagawa pa ba ko?!
waLa na d'b?!
gsto ko munang Lumayas..
ng makahinga naman...
*sigh!
Posted by AiA at 04:59 AM | kapow...

November 30th, 2007

boi..oh boi!


i've been absent foR 2 days..
and 30 minutes late today...
woRLd is so compLicated
so do i...

had an aRguent with my beau...
why?!
i dunno?!
about him..being... faiR..
i guess..
he used to tell me eveRything...
now he's being secRetive..
i used to know his passwoRd...
he changed it...
'said he just wanted to be faiR..
weLL i dont want him to be faiR!!!
i wanna know if he's stiLL keeping oLd messages!
and it just fReaks me out!

he neveR wants me to Let go...
he dRagged me oveR to the cab
and we taLked about him..neveR wanting to Let me go...
its quite annoying..
when you aLReady pRepaRed youRseLf  foR this
then, you'LL Listen to his haRdship...
which i can see...
and aLL you can do is... REALIZE!
hai...
he ReaLLy Loves me...
and im happy naman...
kaso...
im huRting with the stuff i can/hear..
pRobabLy this is what you caLLed paRanoia...
im becoming so emotionaL
when it comes to his past..
but what good about it is..
he assuRes me..
im just soRRy foR saying negative things to him..
Like being woRthLess, stupid, and aLL..
i dunno how to make it up to him
saying soRRy isnt enough..
but iLL tRy to make it up with him
i dont wanna be heRe now.. CVG sucks now!
tsk...
maLapit na ko mateRminate..
i can feeL it!
Posted by AiA at 02:04 AM | kapow...

November 15th, 2007

so mushy

eewe.. hahaha

gonna watch beowouL LateR at gReenbeLt...

im on VGH but i dont know yet... sheesh..

i wanna go home and sLeep...

its coLd

and im cRaving foR something soft, waRm and tendeR.. bed and pillow that is....

i need to Rest

but my Team LeadeR wont allow me to haha 

gotta update blogs once and awhile

catcha soon... 

Posted by AiA at 04:05 AM | kapow...
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